The Accusation of Upbringing: A Gendered Weapon



In our society, upbringing is not a moral value, but a weapon, and sadly, this weapon is always used against women, especially daughters-in-law.



If the relationships between mother-in-law, daughter-in-law, and sister-in-law become examples of love, it is considered good fortune; otherwise, the general scenario is one in which the daughter-in-law's silence is considered nobility, her patience is considered upbringing, and her question is considered rudeness. The daughter-in-law remains acceptable as long as she remains a listening machine that obeys orders, tolerates taunts, and buries her emotions.



If there is a slight slip, if a mistake is made unknowingly, or if she says "why" to repeated interruptions, then a decision is immediately issued:

“Her parents taught her this.”



This sentence is not just words, it is a whole ideology, an ideology that puts the woman, including her parents, in the dock, but always saves the man.



The question is that

If a son does not pay for his wife after marriage,

If he avoids responsibilities,

If he shows carelessness, anger, or insensitivity

Do his parents ever say:

“We lacked in upbringing”?



No.



There, upbringing suddenly becomes a "personal matter,"

And in the case of the daughter-in-law, a "family problem."



This is the double standard that hollows out relationships. Even going to her parents' house becomes a test for the daughter-in-law, as if she has come to apply to a government office, not her in-laws' house. First, convince the husband, then get the mother-in-law's approval, and if the daughter-in-law breaks down mentally in this whole process, her pain is still considered insignificant.



The tragedy is that all this does not only happen in so-called traditional homes. Those who call themselves "religious families" often cloak this oppression in religion, even though religion gave women respect, authority, and justice, but we only gave them the lesson of patience.



It is easy to say that "not every home is like this,"

But the truth is that this story is repeated in most homes.



As long as the accusation of upbringing remains specific to the daughter-in-law,

As long as the shortcomings of sons are ignored and the silence of the daughter-in-law is considered a duty,

Then this society will not maintain relationships, it will only test power.



And relationships that run on the basis of power,

Eventually, they are no longer relationships…

They become wounds.



Perhaps now is the time for us to ask ourselves this question:

Is upbringing really only the responsibility of the daughter-in-law?

 Or is there a need for an equally honest review of the upbringing of sons?


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