جہیز ایک رسم جو گھروں کی خوشیاں نگل رہی ہے
✍🏻 Muhammad Aadil Arriyavi
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Respectable readers, today we are living in a society where even a pure and sacred Sunnah like marriage has been polluted by showiness, competition, and extravagance. Dowry, which was once a small gift of love, has now become a curse that has swallowed the happiness of thousands of homes. It is a pity that today, instead of character, training, piety, and morality before marriage, goods are measured. The respect of a girl and the dignity of her family are judged not by her piety but by the furniture, car, expensive goods, and money she brings.
I had a cousin who was telling me once that when she got married, her family gave her countless items in the name of dowry, but despite that, her in-laws, the boy's mother, sisters, and sisters-in-law, kept taunting her all the time that such and such thing was not given, this was missing, that was missing. They would repeat and curse even a minor thing many times. I was very surprised by this behavior that parents raise their daughter with love for eighteen to twenty years, raise her with luxury and grace, then hand her over to a person she has never even known, and when that daughter steps into her new home, what treatment she receives there, only Allah knows best.
One of the evils that are spreading in our society due to the prevailing dowry is that young men and their families are after the girls from wealthy families. They do not look at the girls' morals and character but only at their wealth, due to which many moral diseases like freeloading etc. are born in the society. Another evil is that since dowry is considered a necessary condition for a girl's marriage, the girl's husband and his family keep an eye on the dowry, and the boy's family considers it their right and expects as much dowry as possible. If their expectations are not met, they make her life hell by taunting the girl. A third evil is that the girl's parents and other members of the family are busy collecting wealth through fair and unfair means for her marriage instead of morally reforming and training the girl. They think that if our girl goes with more dowry, the love in her husband's heart will increase, although this thought is wrong because the love that is based on wealth or beauty cannot last long. True love is born from morals and character, therefore, it is necessary to tell your daughter about the rights of her husband, that she should be obedient to him, respect him, give priority to his happiness over her own, and keep him happy with permissible things and deeds, always think about his comfort and ease, and do not make such demands from him that are burdensome for him, and treat him with love. As soon as he comes home, do not put such a thing in front of him that makes him worried and anxious and makes eating and drinking poison for him, but at such times talk about things that make him happy, treat his parents well so that her husband is also happy and her husband and his parents pray for her.
In conclusion, there is no need for dowry for your daughter etc., but there is a need to improve her morals and make her pious, but the curse of dowry has completely reversed the matter.
A fourth evil is that the prevailing dowry has become a social pressure and social compulsion. If a girl is not given any dowry at all or is given less, then the girl's parents and her family members are taunted, and because of this, the girl is also given various kinds of taunts. For the same reason, the girl's family members are engaged in trying to collect wealth through halal and haram distinctions, bribery, and illegitimate means so that they can arrange for their daughters' dowry, and many poor people try to bear the burden of dowry for their daughters by taking loans, and because of this cursed dowry, many girls grow old without marriage, and often families are willing to die for their loved ones because they cannot bear the burden of dowry for girls and because of shame and modesty, and many prosperous people become bankrupt because of marrying off their daughters, therefore, in the areas where this heinous custom exists, full efforts should be made to eliminate it. The treatment of this heinous custom should be done in the following ways: scholars, preachers, and orators should try to continuously sensitize people against this bad custom through their writing, speech, and preaching and advice, and create such an atmosphere against it that people consider the prevailing dowry a shame and a cause of humiliation, and they should know that the dowry that is given merely because of shame is not halal for us to use but haram. Prepare such young people to eliminate this dirty, smelly custom that they announce that we will not take any dowry or any goods from the girl's family, even if they want to give, we will not take it at all. In such societies where this bad custom is prevalent, if any parents want to give gifts to their daughter in large quantities, then they should not give it at the time of marriage but should give it little by little after marriage at intervals, and they should also give it secretly so that other people do not know, if anything has to be given at the time of marriage, then it should be trivial and secret so that your action does not become an obstacle in the marriages of poor people.
Dowry was never a condition, is not, and never will be. The success of marriage is not from the fridge, not from the car, not from expensive goods, but from mutual love, respect, tolerance, and piety. We have to give our daughters a shining character more than shining utensils, a strong faith more than heavy furniture, and valuable morals more than expensive gifts.
Today, pledge that girls will be given respect, protection, and character, not goods. Pledge that no one's home will be ruined in the name of dowry. Pledge that we will start a campaign from today to eliminate this cursed custom. When the society stands up, the customs fall down themselves.
May Allah Almighty grant us a correct understanding of the religion. Amen, then Amen, O Lord of the Worlds.